


don't you see what this could be

by tazernkaner



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Kidfic, M/M, Miscommunication, boys being dumb, but not really a kidfic, i'm awful at tags, kaner has a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 05:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3924958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tazernkaner/pseuds/tazernkaner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paternity test. It's a word he's only heard when watching trashy TV shows like Maury with his sisters. It's not something he ever thought he'd have to apply to his own life. </p><p>          And yeah, his baby cousin is cute as shit and he likes playing with Sharpy's girls but he gives them back when they poop or cry. He can't be like, an actual dad or anything. </p><p>          He's certain he's going to give up all rights to parental custody (he doesn't even really know what that means except he won't have to take care of the kid.) But then Jonny starts using words like we and together and he's got this dopey sincere smile that makes Patrick think yeah, okay maybe he could be a dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't you see what this could be

**Author's Note:**

> Notes - this isn't really a kidfic. It's mostly about Jonny and Patrick and how they deal with the situation together. 
> 
> Obviously this is all completely fictional. I'm not implying anything about the people used in this, they're just characters whom I do not own. If you know anyone personally discussed in this please don't read it.

 

 

“You coming back to mine?” Jonny asks Patrick with what looks like an indifferent expression. Patrick recognizes the dark look in his eyes, though, and so does his dick.  

 

    Sharpy catches his gaze then and flicks his eyebrows suggestively. And yeah, okay, Patrick knows they’ve got to work harder at being more subtle about the hooking up thing. The last thing they want is the entire team to know about it and subsequently make it a big deal. It’s hard though when Jonny’s ass always looks so good and Patrick gets easily distracted staring at it.

 

    Patrick shrugs and then uses the motion to shoulder off his pads. “Course,” he says in an easy, low voice. They’ve been doing this for - actually, Patrick doesn’t know how long it’s been exactly. Sometime last season it started. A drunken night where Jonny looked too good and Patrick forgot all the reasons why he shouldn’t kiss him. They’d ended up stumbling into bed together, waking with their naked bodies tangled. At first they had completely avoided talking about it but they kept ending up in their others beds, so there eventually had to be a conversation. It isn’t like, feelings and mushy romantic shit. It’s the same friendship they’ve had for years, just made better by blowjobs.

 

    “Cool,” Jonny responds casually, pulling off his skates one by one. He’s got a look that says he's trying to mentally control his face into casual indifference. Patrick catches it when he slips up, when one side of his mouth quirks up into a satisfied smile and then Patrick has to duck his head and pull his shirt off to hide his own.

 

    “Cool,” Patrick echoes low enough that no one, not even Jonny can catch it. They head off in herds to shower and Patrick makes sure to stand far from Jonny and thinks about everything he can except his ass. They’ve just come off an away trip, one that’s far too long for Patrick’s liking. It’s a bit inconvenient that they finally got their own hotel rooms just as they started sleeping together. It’s too risky, spending the night in Jonny’s room too often, so Patrick mostly just had to stare at Jonny in his sexually frustrated state for the trip. But they’ve only got an hour and a half plane ride standing in the way of getting home now. He’s already getting eager for it.

 

*****

 

They’re kissing as soon as they tumble through the doorway of Patrick's apartment, abandoning their bags on the floor and fighting for dominance against each other. Jonny wins out, mostly because Patrick is happy to let himself be pushed against the wall. His big hand circle around Patrick’s wrists, pinning them and giving them a hard squeeze. Patrick is already hard, he’s pretty much had a semi boner since Jonny had said “ _I’m going to fuck you tonight, okay_?” during the drive over. He tries to brush against Jonny, to feel any contact.

 

    Jonny smirks down at him but pulls his body back so Patrick is just thrusting helplessly into the air. “Fuck you,” Patrick whines.

 

    “That’s not the plan,” Jonny whispers, breath catching against his neck before he starts sucking a hickey on to Patrick’s skin.

 

    “Well let’s get on with it then,” Patrick huffs, impatient. “Come on, let’s go to the bedroom.”    

 

    Jonny rolls his eyes and lets go of Patrick’s wrist. “This whole desperation thing is a bit pathetic,” he teases. “Always rushing and killing the mood,” he tisks. He’s tenting in his sweats though and smacks Patrick’s ass hard while trailing him to the bedroom so he’s pretty sure Jonny is bluffing and he’s not the only eager one.

 

*****

 

"Mmm," Jonny groans into the crook of Patrick's elbow. Patrick tries to swat at him to stop making so much fucking noise. His eyes flutter open and the sun is streaming in brightly through the cracks in his blinds. He rolls over quickly and tries to hide his face into Jonny's shoulder.

 

          "Your thing won't stop buzzing," Jonny mutters. He moves a little, trying to jostle Patrick but he's too stubborn and he tries to bury himself further. Jonny shoves harder now, jabbing him with his shoulder.

 

          "Fuck, man," Patrick hisses as he jumps back from the pain of the blow to his jaw.

 

    “Your fucking buzzer, there’s someone who keeps ringing it.”

 

    “What do you expect me to do about it?” Patrick grumbles, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. He’s just starting to feel conscious.

 

    “Answering it would be a start,” he snaps back and Patrick curses him under his breath as he rolls out of bed, shivering against the cold air on his ass. Jonny is an asshole in the morning and you would think after all the years they shared a room that he’d be used to it but he’s really not. He doesn’t get to see his friend again until after he’s had at least two cups of coffee.

 

    “Alright, alright,” Patrick whines as Jonny reaches out to kick him. “I’m just looking for my fucking pants.” Now that he’s awake he agrees, the buzzing is pretty annoying. He’s not going to be as big of a drama queen as Jonny, who's literally got a pillow wrapped around his head now, but yeah he’d like to silence that. He can’t remember ordering food... maybe he got the maid service for the wrong day? Either way he’s just going to send them away and crawl back into bed. Maybe coax Jonny into giving him a blowjob. He’ll have to brew some coffee first, of course.  

 

           "Hello? Who is it?" Patrick asks into the intercom. He removes his finger from the button, rocks back on the heels of his feet and waits for an answer. Its quiet for a beat and Patrick is almost ready to go back to bed when someone answers.

 

           "Patrick? Patrick Kane?" A female voice is asking. It's muffled by the speaker but he doesn't think he recognizes it. He duly worries that a 'Hawks fan got ahold of his address or something. He's not sure what he's supposed to say in response. Part of him wants to ask Jonny what to do.

 

            He's saved the embarrassment of asking a second later when the voice continues. "I know you live here, I've been here before. My name is Lisa, Lisa Sanders. You probably don't remember me but we had sex during the 2013 playoffs and you fathered my baby. Can I come up?"

 

           Patrick suddenly can't breathe. He's leaning against the wall, one hand clutching at his hair as he starts hyperventilating. There's no _way_ he fathered any girls baby. He can't even remember most of the 2013 playoffs, unless it was on the rink. It was a stretch of highs, celebrations and excitement after each round. They did party a lot after the end of each round and Patrick knows there were like a lot of girls. But there was no way he got anyone pregnant.

 

           "Fuck off. Stop harassing me," Patrick snaps with his finger held over the button. He storms off and grabs his phone, calling down to the door man to _please_ tell that woman to leave him alone. How the hell did she even get his address? If what she claims is true, well, the would have slept together about two years ago. Fuck that, if she really thought Patrick was the father she would have coming looking for money long ago. She was just someone looking to exploit his public party boy image.

 

            Patrick clomps his way back into his bedroom. He's startled to see Jonny, he'd almost forgotten he was there in all the commotion.

 

           "Who was that?" Jonny is sitting up now, blankets only covering the bottom half of his body. His hair is messy, waving in the back from where it's getting longer, and his eyes are weighing down with a tiredness. He gives a small yawn but still looks at Patrick expectantly. He's so cute that Patrick's stomach flips stupidly, and _god_ he's not supposed to think things like that.

 

          "Who was it?" Jonny repeats and Patrick snaps back into the current situation. Right. _Baby._

 

          "Just some bitch claiming I fathered her baby," he snaps, suddenly fuming again.

 

          Jonny's face goes slack with surprise. He blinks a couple of times. "I - sorry. What?"

 

          "She claims I _fathered her baby_." Patrick drags out the second half slowly so Jonny can't feign like he misunderstood again. He doesn't want to keep repeating that shit. He wants to punch something.

 

          Jonny's looking down dumbly at his hands, twisting them together. "I... Um, did you sleep with her?"

 

         Patrick can't remember. There's been a lot of girls, a lot of drunk nights that he needed to let off steam. He doesn't remember half of them, let alone their names. He hadn't even seen this girl's face.  He shrugs and tells Jonny as much.

 

           Patrick expects him to get mad, lecture him on the importance of being smart. It's a bit too late since Jonny is the only person he's fucking now and he's sure as hell he won't get knocked up. But the lecture would be familiar, comfortable. It'd feel better than watching Jonny get out of bed, pull on his clothes and mumble hurriedly that he's got to go.

 

           Patrick watches him stumble out in shock. Yeah, Patrick may have fucked up his own life but it's not like this is Jonny's problem. He lets him go without trying to stop. He's actually a little pissed by his reaction - shouldn't he be more comforting to his best friend? What the fuck does he have to be mad about anyway?

 

*****

 

“Why haven’t you been talking to me?” Patrick demands while reaching out to grab ahold of Jonny’s elbow.

 

    Jonny looks down at where Patrick’s hand is gripping him and scowls. He shakes it off forcefully and folds his arms over his chest, looking pissy. “I’ve been busy,” he responds coldly, eyes focused just above his shoulder.

 

    It fucking hurts, it the thing. Patrick’s world is kind of falling apart around him. He’s too afraid to tell his parents or sisters, scared of what they’ll say to him. There’s no one else he could ever imagine telling. There’s just Jonny - truthfully it’s always Jonny - and the fact that he’s shutting Patrick out right now sucks. He needs his best friend more than ever.

 

    “You’ve never been to busy for me before.” He winces at the way his voice betrays him, giving way to the lump forming in his throat and the tears threatening his eyes.

 

    Jonny winces and his expression softens for just a second before it’s molded back into indifference. “Stop being so needy,” he scolds. “I don’t have to spend all my time with you, Patrick. I’m not your boyfriend, right?”

 

    Patrick freezes at that, taking a few steps backwards and blinks at Jonny. “I... I never said anything about you being my boyfriend.” He knows Jonny isn’t his boyfriend, even if he has always wanted him to be. He’s happy to take what he gets, their friendship and the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s never pushed Jonny for more, always been contend. He doesn’t think asking his _best friend_ to be there for him when he’s going through something like this qualifies as being needy.

 

“Yeah, I know you didn’t.” And... _what the fuck_? What is that even supposed to mean? Why is Jonny being like this now. Their whatever-ship that they’ve got going has been working for over a year and now suddenly Jonny is getting all bristly over it? Patrick seriously can’t think of anytime he’d pushed for more. “We’ve got practice.”

 

    “Fuck practice!” It’s honestly the last thing on his mind, even though hockey is really the only constant he’s got right now.

 

    “Great attitude to have right before the playoffs,” Jonny says stiffly, but it’s obvious there’s not much heat behind it. He gives a long sigh and swipes his hand over his face. When he removes it his face isn’t contorted with as much annoyance, it’s gentler.  “I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you it’s just... Never mind. I know this is hard for you, so, okay, after practice if you want to talk we can.”

 

He doesn’t sound altogether too optimistic but Patrick decides he probably can’t be too particular about it. “Okay, yeah, thanks.”

 

Jonny knocks their gloves together and cranes his neck towards the rink. "C'mon, Peeks, let's play some hockey."  

 

*****

 

Patrick knows his life is potentially crumbling around him and he should be 100% focused on that but it's a bit hard. Especially when Jonny is sitting on the couch, legs crossed underneath him and wrapped up in a warm grey hoodie looking so relaxed and warm. He's eating from the take out container, eyes glued to the TV. Patrick can't stop looking at him. He's got his teeth pressed into his tongue to stop himself from saying the things he can’t.

 

    “So,” he finally sighs. He’s been happy to sit in Jonny’s company, ignoring what’s really going on. Now they’ve actually got to talk about things though. “I may have a baby.”

 

    Jonny puts down his chinese food and turns to look at Patrick with his full attention. “You might have a _baby_ ,” he echoes. “Wow... that’s... Shit.”

 

         He breathes out a humorless laugh of agreement while picking at a rip in the couch.

 

         "Do you think there's a chance it's yours?" Jonny's good in situations like these (when he's not storming out and being a huge jerk, that is.) He's a take charge kind of guy, figures out what needs to be done and makes sure it is. It’s what makes him such a great captain, but also friend. He’s been bailing Patrick out for years now but this time it’s different. If Patrick... if he actually _did_ get her pregnant, there's no way out of this now. There’s a baby out there, _his_ baby. This shit doesn’t go away with a bit of good publicity.

 

    “I really don’t know,” Patrick answers weakly. He kind of wants to cry.

 

    “Have you talked to the woman?”

 

    “Um, yeah, she got my number and called me somehow. I think that god damn doorman gave it to her. I’m pretty sure he hates me, you know which one I’m talking about? With the beard-” he stops when Jonny gives him a sharp look. Right, he’s rambling. “She called me. Told me she’s sure that it’s mine, that she hadn’t been with anyone else at the time. Says she’s not trying to get me or my money, just wants her kid to have their dad. I don’t fucking know. I can’t be someone's _dad_ , Jonny!”

 

    He doesn’t get a look of sympathy because Jonathan Toews rarely gives them out. Instead he gets a hand clamped on his shoulder and a slow nod. “You can, and you might be.”

 

    No _he can’t_. Even if he’s actually the guy who knocked this woman up - he can’t be an actual dad. He thinks about Mady, about how impressionable she is and how much Sharpy and Abby do to raise her right. He doesn’t know that stuff. He can’t all of a sudden be handed a kid and told he has to know what to do with it. "I can't have a two year old!" Patrick wails.

 

          "Wait - what? A two year old?" Jonny demands.

 

          Patrick huffs. He honestly can't believe how dumb Jonny can be, getting caught up on the little shit like that. "Whatever, sixteen months. Same fucking difference, either way I can't have it."

 

         "Sixteen months... So, what... You would have slept with this girl over two years ago?"

 

         "That's what she's saying. It was right after the first round of the '13 playoffs apparently. Fuck me if I remember."

 

           Jonny is staring at him with a fixated expression that slowly turns into a lopsided smirk. "You're an idiot," he laughs while shaking his head. Patrick's torn between being extremely fucking offended, thanks, or relieved that Jonny is really smiling at him for the first time in a week.

 

           "Fuck you, asshole," he snaps, reacting in the prior but his stomach whooshing with relief over the latter.

 

           "When you told me you fathered her baby - supposedly," Jonny amends quickly at Patrick's glare but he's still grinning. "I thought you meant, like recent."

 

            His brows furrow as the words sink in.  "Recently? Why the hell would you think that?"

 

           Jonny rolls his eyes. "You said _baby_. I was picturing a fucking baby. You didn't tell me otherwise."

 

            Patrick is still really confused. "I thought it went without saying that I - fuck, that's why you stormed out? You thought I slept with someone else?" It's ridiculous, is what it is. Patrick spends all his goddamn time with this guy, either on the rink or in his bed. Where the hell would he find the time to pull a girl? Why would he want too, when Jonny had magical hands and a perfect ass?

 

          Jonny's looking embarrassed now, eyes shifty and tongue darting out to lick over his lips. "I... We, um, never really had that conversation."

 

           "Well," Patrick coughs awkwardly and looks at his bare feet. "I haven't slept with anyone else, not since our first time." He's afraid to meet Jonny's face but when he finally does he's happy to see that he's smiling.

 

           "Me either. I don't really plan too."

 

            _Oh_. Patrick had assumed Jonny was only hooking up with him but hearing confirmation that he doesn't plan on being with anyone else is kind of a big deal. He wonders idly what it means for their friendship - is it more than that? But he's got so much fucking shit going on. That conversation has to be put on the back burner for now.

 

            "Want to come with me to get the paternity test?"

 

           Jonny smiles up at him sadly. “Of course, Kaner. You’re not in this alone.”

 

         Patrick nods because he’s not sure how to say _thank you_ without making it sound a little too much like _I love you._

 

*****

 

 _Paternity test._ It’s a word he’s only heard when watching trashy TV shows like Maury with his sisters. It’s not something he ever imagined would apply to his own life.

 

    But it does and he gets the results. “Congratulations,” the woman says with a bright smile as she hands back his results. “You’re a dad.”

 

    He’s not too proud to admit that he threw up in the garbage can in the parking lot while Jonny rubbed soothing circles into his back. “Hey, come on, it’s okay,” he chanted.

 

    It’s not okay. Just because Patrick is the father doesn’t mean he can be a _dad_. He thinks about his own dad, about everything he did for them. The way he raised Patrick, gave up everything he had for his children. He thinks about Jonny’s dad and how he used to build them that rink every winter. He thinks about Sharpy, about how he’s always skyping with his girls on the road and talking about them with this proud smile. He thinks about Seabs and Hoss and Duncs and all the dads on the team, how they just seem to know what they’re doing all the time. He’s not like them, he can’t be like that. Yeah, he’s always wanted that someday but - not now. He’s not ready for it.

 

    “So, what now?” Jonny asks after a couple minutes. They’re sitting on a bench, close enough that their shoulders touch. The bright sun is warming Patrick’s skin, he’s a bit sticky with sweat but he stays as closely pressed to Jonny as he can.

 

    “I have no idea,” he answers honestly. He turns his gaze on Jonny, looking at him with wide and terror filled eyes.

 

    Jonny presses his thumb into his thigh and smiles. “Okay, well, first, you should probably call her,” he suggests. He sounds confident, like he’s sure it’s the best thing to do and that reassures Patrick. He probably should have been to think that one up on his own but sometimes he needs Jonny, his captain, to push him.

 

    “Okay... Okay, yeah, I’ll call her.”

 

*****

 

He calls her, talking to her while Jonny sits to his left, Patrick's feet stuck in his lap, one hand idly curled around his ankle.

 

          The conversation doesn't go well, exactly. It isn't horrible either. Basically she outlines Patrick's options - if he wants to be involved he can. If not they can her papers drawn up and Patrick can sign away his parental rights and they can figure out some sort of child support. The money isn't an issue to Patrick, even if he doesn't want to have any involvement, he'd like to know his kid is like, looked after and shit.

 

           He's not even really sure what parental rights are - Lisa basically says if Patrick doesn't want to be involved now she wants to be sure he doesn't come around a couple of years from now and try and take her daughter. _Daughter_. A little girl. Her name is Charlotte. It's pretty and he momentarily thinks that Charlie would have a nice ring to it, Charlotte is a bit of a mouthful.

 

           Then he remembers that he's not going to be around, not going to need to shorten it or anything. He zones back into what Lisa is saying. She's telling him that Charlotte is very strong for her age, that she was standing before all the other babies in the Mommy and Me class. "They say she must have athletic genes," she laughs and Patrick must go as white as he feels because Jonny looks at him with concern.

 

          "What did she say?" He mouths, eyebrows knitting together. Patrick just shakes his head to let him know it's okay and tries to listen to Lisa instead of focusing on the clenching of his stomach.

 

          Lisa ends by telling Patrick to call her anytime, to take the time to think it over good and then get back to her. She ends with "you can meet her anytime."

 

          Patrick manages to grit out and "okay" but makes no sort of commitments. When he hangs up Jonny is looking interested, waiting to be filled in on the half of the conversation he missed.

 

          "The kid is a natural born athlete," he says instead of the important details. It's not even what Lisa said exactly but Jonny lights up at it.

 

         "Of course she is, she's an all star baby. She'll be playing on Team USA with Sadie someday. You'll teach her how to stick handle."

 

         Patrick rolls his eyes and kicks Jonny. "Fuck off, talking like that."

 

        He looks genuinely baffled by his reaction. "Why? What did I say?"

 

          "Taking like I'm going to do this! Like I'm going to teach her to play hockey and raise her and shit. Lisa gave me the option to like, opt out of it all."

 

          Jonny looks amazed by that, like Patrick being a deadbeat is the last thing he'd ever imagined. Sometimes he puts too much faith into Patrick even after all the times he's let him down.

 

         "Opt out?" He echoes. "What the hell does that mean?"

 

          "I'm going to be a fucking deadbeat, alright? Don't you get it? I can't do this! I'm not Sharpy! I'm not Hammer or Duncs or Seabs. I'm not dad material! The best thing I can do for that kid is send some money and stay the fuck away."

 

          Jonny looks sad now. "Patrick, that's not true... You can-"

 

          No. Just, Patrick can't hear Jonny tell him how amazing he is. How he can do it. So instead he says what he knows will shut him up. "I don't want too! I don't want the kid."

 

           Now Jonny just looks all kinds of disappointed but hey, Patrick knows that look. It's nothing new.

 

           "I'll see you later," Patrick snaps while grabbing his coat from the chair and pulling it on over his shoulders. He slams the door behind him, loudly and doesn't stop fuming until he's tucked inside his apartment. He crumples in the front hall and cries into his knees, thinking about Jonny's face.

 

****

 

"Who's that, Kaner?"

 

         Patrick looks up with wife eyes at Sharpy who's hanging over his shoulder, peering down at the picture in his hand. It's of Charlotte. Lisa had left it with his doorman this morning in an envelope. He hasn't been able to stop staring at it since. It probably would have been a good idea to keep it out of the locker room, though.

 

           "I - it's, um... She's my - _um_." Patrick stumbles, tongue tied together. He's got more eyes on his now, his stuttering drawing attention. He doesn't know what to say - daughter feels wrong, considering. He really doesn't want anyone to know. Jonny judging him is one thing but he can't have the whole team disappointed in him for being a deadbeat.

 

           "Isn't that your cousin?" Jonny swerves in with the save. He's giving Patrick a pointed stare.

 

           Patrick swallows and then nods. "Yeah, she's my baby cousin. My um, Uncle sent it for my fridge. You know." He chews lightly on his bottom lip, hoping that it's believable.

 

          "She's cute," Sharpy responds. "About Sadie's age, I'd guess?"

 

          "Yeah. Right around there, couple weeks apart." Patrick can't help but remember the excitement of Sharpy when he found out he was having another baby, the times he would miss going out with the team because he had a pregnant wife and toddler at home. The day Sharpy had texted them all with too many emojis that Abby had home into labour, and the proud look on his face the first time he'd passed Sadie to Patrick. He'd been there since day one and Patrick didn't get that. Maybe if he had things would have went differently.

 

           "Kaner, want a ride home?" Jonny asks quietly, looking hopeful.

 

           "Kaner's got his car," Sharpy supplies helpfully but he's got an amused undertone. His grin is shit eating, like he thinks he knows exactly what Jonny means. If only he really knew he probably wouldn't be smiling like that.

 

          Jonny stares Sharpy down with a tilt to his chin. "Thanks, Sharp," he snaps. "I wasn't asking you, though." He turns his eye back on Patrick, eyebrow raised. It feels like an apology of sorts, like making mends, so Patrick nods back his forgiveness.

 

         "Yeah," he says quietly. "Thanks."

 

*****

 

"So." Jonny's drumming his hands against the steering wheel in an irregular beat that's starting to grate on Patrick's nerves. If it weren't for that sound though the car would be completely silent. They've been sitting side by side in the UC parking lot for about ten minutes, not speaking. "Can I see her?"

 

           Patrick's fingers twitch by his side. The picture is in his left pocket, closest to Jonny. He's not so sure he wants to see Jonny looking at it though.

 

           He sighs and forks over the picture anyway. Their fingers brush as Jonny takes it, careful not to touch the front with his fingers to smudge it. Patrick hasn't been that careful so the point is moot, but it's the type of shit Jonny's always thinking about.

 

         He looks away then. He's not sure what kind of expression he's going to have. There's some construction workers on the other end, filling in potholes. One of the guys is shirtless except for his orange vest and he focuses on his tanned arms. They only make him think of how Jonny's arms are much better though. He's back to square one so he looks back to his left.

 

          "She has your curls." Jonny's smiling down at the picture fondly and then he looks back up at Patrick and the look never leaves. "She's beautiful."

 

          Patrick nods, a bit satisfied. Of course he'd be the best at baby making, how could Jonny ever doubt that? She has got his curls, too. Little blonde rings that are adorned by pink bows in the picture.

 

          "She's cute, isn't she?" Patrick agrees because she is. She's wearing the frilliest little dress and she's got dimples in her cheeks.

 

         "She's got the Kane genes," Jonny murmurs his agreements. He's grinning at Patrick and it's a bit contagious so he fires one off in return. "Looks like your sisters," he adds and Patrick hadn't thought of that. It's true he supposes.

 

         "Yours or mine?" Patrick clears his throat pointedly.

 

          Jonny blinks but then it turns into a smirk. "Depends. You got anything for me to eat?"

 

          Patrick purses his lips and tries to picture the inside of his fridge. "Got beer, I think. Maybe some chicken breast."

 

         Jonny rolls his eyes. "I've got beer and I've got food. We'll go to mine, I'll cook you supper."

 

    “Okay.” They don’t say much else for the ride to Jonny’s, the radio acts as a buffer. Patrick’s not sure what there is to say with this hanging over them. He doesn’t know how to act like everything is okay.

 

    He makes them chicken wraps with a salad on the side and they sit at the table like losers to eat it. They usually always sit at the couch and when Jonny sets the table Patrick wants to object but he’s too tired.

 

         "Have you talked to Lisa yet?" Jonny comments off handedly as he spears his fork into his salad. He's trying to look disinterested, like he's just making conversation but Patrick can hear the slight edge to it.

 

         He lowers his own fork and sighs. "If you've got something to say, say it." He's not dancing around this.

 

         Jonny looks guilty then huffs. "Have you talked about all your options? Ones that include you being involved."

 

         Patrick needs a drink for this so he pops the cap of his beer and chugs half of it before responding. "I know my options. I can sign some shit and it's over. I'll be the biological sperm donor but I won't be the father."

 

         "You can't just sign it away, it might change things legally but it doesn't change the fact that there's a little girl out there that's yours. You're really not going to do it?"

          

         "No I'm not going to fucking _do it_!" Patrick shrieks, throwing his hands up in the ear and pondering who the fuck Jonathan Toews is to think he'd actually just take care of a two year old baby that's showed up on his door step. Patrick can't say it enough times.

 

         Jonny gives him that look, the one that says he's disappointed and knows Patrick could do better. He's used to that look when it comes on the rink or the gym or a bar but this time it feels like more, like Jonny is actually looking at him as a person and doesn't like what he sees. It makes Patrick's skin crawl.

 

         He can't do better this time, though. Yeah, his cousins are cute as shit and he loves playing with Sharpy's girls. But he gives them back when the poop or cry. He can't be an actual dad. When he says as much to Jonny he gets a scoff in reply.

 

         "Patrick Kane I know can do anything he wants," Jonny says with a pointed raise of one eyebrow. "The Patrick I l- _know_ would step the fuck up and do the right thing."

 

         Patrick swallows down the questions about the hard l sound before Jonny cut himself off. "The right thing would be for me to stay the hell away from that baby. It'll have a much better chance if I'm not there to mess up her chances."

 

         "You don't really think that?" Jonny asks softly as he surveys Patrick with a wilted expression. "I know you better than anyone, I've seen at your best and at your worst and I know that you can do it... We can do it."

 

         The _we_ catches him off guard, knocking the wind out if him like a punch to the gut.

 

         "Think about it, Patrick. Think about how great it could be. Think about it like hockey - we have our strengths and when they're put together we play beautiful hockey, you know? I think it's like this. I mean, we can do anything together."

 

          Jonny's looking at him with a dopey smile laced with sincerity and Patrick can't really breathe. "I can't be like Sharpy," Patrick repeats his argument holloway because he doesn't know how to process the _together_.

 

          "No, you can't. You're not Sharpy, you're not going to be like him. You'll be like you and that's what Charlotte needs. Her dad."

 

          "What about hockey? I can't exactly bring a baby on the road." He feels like he's grasping at straws now. The quiets part of his brain is saying _yeah okay, they can do this._

 

           Jonny gives him a long deadpan stare. "How often do you see Sadie or Carter on the road? Don't be dumb. Lisa isn't asking you to take her full time. She just wants you in her life. There's off season, she can come with us and there's nights off. Obviously there will be things to figure out logistically but... We can do this, Peeks."

 

           "What makes you so sure I can do this?" Everytime Patrick thinks about it he sees himself screwing everything up. How can Nonny blindly believe in him all the time?"

 

          Jonny gets up from his seat and walks around the table. He bends down, craning his neck so he's at level with Patrick. The kiss is more drawn out than they usually do, less heat of the moment and more gentle and sweet. Patrick melts into his mouth, curling into his touch. It's been weeks since they were like this and he hadn't realized how much he missed it.

 

        Patrick is in love with him. It's not like he's in denial about that or anything. He's never really felt like it would be okay to tell him though, until now. He thinks now maybe Jonny might feel the same.

 

             Jonny pulls back but doesn't move away. "You want to know what makes me so sure?" He asks hoarsely, voice choked with emotions Patrick is surprised by. He nods mutely. "Because I've thought about it, Pat. I've thought about me and you and a family and there's no one else I would want to have that with. You've got the biggest heart of anyone I know and I'd be proud to start a family with you. I'd want my kids have a dad like you. I know this is different but - yeah, I know you can do it."

 

            Patrick can feel his eyes getting wet and dammit he's got to get his emotions in check but fuck Jonny is saying all the right things and for the first time he thinks _I can be a dad_. If Jonny believes in him then that means something, he realizes. Jonny has always believed in his hockey and it pushes him to be better to prove him right. Maybe this could be the same. Maybe he could be a good dad.

 

           "You think about that? About us like that?"

 

           Jonny nods while grinning down fondly. "Of course I do, moron. It's been almost two years, Pat."

 

          He swallows hard around the lump in his throat. "I didn't think you saw us like that. I thought it was just sex."

 

         "You're my best friend," Jonny says and Patrick winces. "Hey, no, let me finish. You're my best friend. You irritate the hell out of me, you challenge me everyday, but there's no one else for me, Patrick. You make me so happy, you make me better and I think I do the same for you."

 

           He's actually properly crying now. "Yeah, you do." Patrick runs his fingers down Jonny's neck, smooths them against the soft patch of skin behind his ear and then tangles him in the small curls starting to form at the back of his neck.  "So, I'm going to do this?" Patrick confirms. He just can't really wrap his head around it.

 

         Jonny smiles at him, it's all soft and watery around the edges. " _We're_ going to do this, Peeks. I told you, you're never alone, you've always got me." He reaches down and intertwines their fingers.

 

          "Okay," he agrees. "Thanks." He offers a half smile. There's so many emotions running through him (scared, mostly. Really fucking scared) but he's grateful for Jonny. He's always been grateful for him, whether it be hockey or their friendship but he's always wanted more and now Jonny's saying he wants that, too. Wants that long enough to raise a family together.

 

          He's going to be a dad. A damn good one.

 

*****

 

The first time Patrick holds Charlotte he falls in love instantly. They've just finished a game, pulling out a win, and he had sent Lisa tickets. She passes her to him afterwards and lets him bring her back to meet the team.

 

           She's got a little Hawks jersey with 'Kane' on the back and it's crazy to see that and think it's actually his daughter. But it's not so scary anymore, it'll just take some getting used too. She's giggly with him and she keeps pointing at her little logo then the bigger one on his chest.

 

          "Just like mine," he keeps telling her while bouncing her on his hip.

   

          "Same," she keeps saying.

 

           He runs his fingers through her little pigtails and kisses her cheek. He can't get over the feeling? The instantaneous love he has for her. It's like something inside him has shifted and suddenly hockey isn't number one anymore. It's always been the only thing he's cared about, the thing he'd give it all for. Now there's this little person (this beautiful little girl) who is his number one priority. He loves how easy he can make her smile and he'd give his life to see that it never leaves her face.

 

          When he walks back into the locker room Jonny is the first one to look up. His grin grows wide, spreading all the way across his cheeks and he looks so proud. Sharpy is the next. He looks confused more than anything.

 

          "Hey Kaner. What's with the cutie?"

 

          He looks down at her with a smile. "This is Charlotte. Say hi to the team, Charlotte." She buries her face into his shoulder, shy. "She's my daughter."

 

           There's a murmur of surprise in the locker room and Patrick answers their questions. When they finish asking and playing with her they head off to their showers. Jonny had been hanging back, watching with a pleased smile. He makes his way over after.

 

          "Can I hold her?" His voice cracks. Patrick hadn't let her go to any of the others, even though they mostly had kids of their own. He felt an immense protection over her but he still lets her go easily to Jonny.

 

         She looks back at Patrick with big eyes and he says "it's okay, this is Jonny."

 

          Patrick feels wrecked, watching Jonny bounce her around and the way she instantly opened up to him. He had her giggling and then she started pointing to his jersey and saying "mine." Patrick had never seen Jonny look like that, he's never seen him look at any of the other guys kid like that. It hits him with a pang.

 

         "I'm so proud of you," Jonny says while looking at him over his head. "You're going to be so great with her."

 

          "Thanks," he manages to say. "Thank you for pushing me, I just... I can't imagine it any other way now. Is that crazy?"

 

          He laughs lightly and that makes Charlotte laugh. "No. It's not crazy... I love you."

 

          "What? You - I mean, I love you too."

 

           "Love me?" Charlotte sing songs and they both laugh. Patrick would like to kiss the face off him but now isn't the time.

 

          "Yeah," Patrick squeaks at her. He gives a kiss to her cheek. "Love you."

 

          She claps happily at that. Patrick hadn't thought about it before, the future with Jonny like this, but standing here with his daughter and him he can see it. He can picture what it would be like for them to start a family someday after hockey and he's not sure how he ever wanted anything else but this.

 

 

 

          

           

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) join me on tumblr at tazernkaner !


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